Even Deeper

“I hear them call I cannot stay

the voice inviting me away…

Do you know how far this has gone?

Just how damaged have I become?

When I think I can overcome

It runs even deeper

Everything that matters has gone

All the hands of hope have withdrawn

Could you try to help me hang on…

It runs…” -Trent Reznor

Still and beautiful, immaculate in innocence lost; a darkened pale figure of hope, lust, things that I can never have. I tried to be aloof, to reel her in, I tried that path of care and hid the lust, and in the end I was lost in that image of her, with a backdrop of the machine and all its lights in the background.

To think that I almost broke that look, that adoration in a small moment of need, that I almost did what had been done unto me.

The sixty sixth seal has been broken, and my light has winked out with it. The Angel of Light, fallen in glory, has taken me again. I can feel that stench of loneliness, despair, hatred and utter darkness welling up again, and I don’t think that this time I can forgive myself. That there is anything I can do about it, that I broke redemption and have lost all sense of hope.

And yet it seems so appealing…

I will write your words, exclaim your beast and give it life. I will make my memories real, both false and truth. I will try, and do what must be done. I will again, and again, and again.

Somewhere in between void and madness lies the doorway. I will step through until I can find no more.