Painted on My Heart

Author’s advice: listen to The Cult, Painted On My Heart when reading this.

The boy walked away from his house, down the road, to the river. Knowing what was going to happen when he got there, his mind resolute, feeling sadness but still determined. Knowing that someone had to pay for what had happened.

He started running when he was just out of eyeshot of the big wooden thing he’d called home his entire life. That place he believed was his shelter, his safe haven. Where he’d run in the garden, jumped over the fence, made little tunnels for his mice to run through. Where he’d worked with his Pa, worked the feed for the cows, worked the dip when they needed their bath. He loved it when they did that, watching the cows jump in, their eyes looking like they were excited for the brief swim. He realized now that it was fear they had then, that same look in their eyes that he had seen in his sisters eyes not half an hour ago.

He stopped running as he neared the river, his breath coming harshly. Ma had always said he shouldn’t go too quickly. That his lungs were weak and if he worked too hard he’d get very, very sick. That even mommy’s love wouldn’t make him feel better. That didn’t seem to matter now. What mattered was that he paid for what he had done wrong.

That was the problem, he thought. He knew he was a little slow, and because of this no one seemed to punish him for the stupid things he did. He knew that was why Pa often gave him that look. That one that had seen him often pull when he saw something disgusting. He knew didn’t like him, just let him be, and hit Ma and sis instead cuz he said it was their fault. The boy never could understand why it was their fault. Ma said its cuz God wanted her to show she was special enough for his place. This time he didn’t want Pa to hit Ma for what he’d done. He’d already hurt Sis.

He stood up and marched towards the fast flowing waters. He’d come here often, watching the fish fight their way through the water. He’d often followed them downstream, and watched as they fell over the waterfall, some flopping out of the side of the water and landed on the rocks below. Sometimes he’d seen a few of the make a splat noise as they hit the rocks, and didn’t move. He knew that was what he should probably do when he went over the hundred-foot drop.

The boy stood, thinking about how he loved Pa, Ma and sis. But now Sis was bleeding from her nose and lying on the floor. Pa was doing that thing again where he was lying over Sis and making those strange noises. Ma was scared and crying in the kitchen. And all because he’d wanted to show Pa the dead cat he’d found at the bottom of the fall. Pa had gotten upset with him, thrown his bottle at him and went inside, hitting Sis.

Never again would they be punished for his stupidity. He walked to the edge of the fall. Now he would be punished for all the things he’d done wrong.

With a stern look on his face, the boy jumped…