We all get it, we all feel it deeper down in our lives, and we hold it because we love its promise of pain, its denial of reality, our need for its inner pull so strong we can’t hide from it. and we can’t deny it.
Its when you look across at that other person, when you feel your heart and mind flutter at the sight of their skin, their soft warm embrace. When you want to reach out and touch it, but are too afraid of the results. Its exact the same as when you are a child, see that toy in the window, and know with all your heart and mind that you can never have it.
And then you think you’ve faced that fact, you’ve come to terms with what you will never receive, and you try to deal with it. You force the images of their face from your mind, you push them into the part of your mind you label as discards, as rubbish, as things you’d rather not see in a good light again, and everything seems to be going so well when you see that person again…
They’ve done something different to their hair, shaved their beard, the clothing they are wearing fits them just perfectly, their make-up has a different style, and inside your heart leaps, bounds through your chest and insinuates itself firmly onto your face and you you know that if anyone dared look a tad closer, they would see it hiding under the thin layer of skin that threatens to peel any second now. That person is the only thing you see, the only one in existence. They glow, they radiate, you can almost feel their presence around you like a shining beacon burning your hot flesh. And that is when you know you are doomed.
You’ll never have them, but you are in love. And your love is small, meaningless, weak in their eyes. They may not see it, they may not know of it, but you know it is because if it meant something important to them, they would be yours.
But they are not. And they never will be…
“Sie schwimmt vorbei bemerkt
Ich bin ihr Schatten sie steht im Licht
Da ist keine Hoffnung und keine Zuversicht denn”
-Rammstein, Feuer und Wasser
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