If I could only breathe you in...

"i'm still afraid to feel, cuz i cannot take the pain.
i'm still afraid to feel, afraid to lose someone again."

The world spins in its penultimate cycle, bringing its old repetitive surprises everyday. We all walk along, dragging our feet, pushing towards those next goals, that next item of satisfaction. We plod, happily content with our mediocrity. And no matter how you exemplify yourself with that "different" style of clothing, however you try to present something, whether it be with your personality, looks or actions, you are still doing the same old thing.

Yet there are those moments when you are the god. When everything glows around you, when you are the centre and you are sure that nothing else exists, but you. Then your pride gets a jerk, the smile drops off of your face and you realize that you are being arrogant, selfish and uncaring. When in fact you aren't. It's at these times that no-one around feels jealous, gets pissed off with you, etc. Your presence as a god makes them feel holy. It is you that makes them smile at that moment.

It's those who are immune to you, that rage within. it's them that cause your downfall. It's their need to destroy, to take on the aspect of Kaila Mensha Khaine and reap the blood of it. It's their existence that makes you fight for the next moment of glory.

And so i found that current person who seems to radiate with that glory. that one who seems to raise me up on their altar to stand beside them. to be the communal sacrifice and know that like the jihad, this is heaven we ascend to. that one who pierces the veil, that seems to know their existence is monotonous and not do the typical and rebel against it. to rebel is too easy. Instead to use it, mold it, create life and reason within it's own boundaries and find that comfortable space where not only is it the same, but it is acceptably different. Appreciateively different. it is the side meaning of sense.

If i could only let her know.