i am crying inside. right now, this very instance, i am dead.
why it takes me so i could never tell you. i could never say. she just pulls all the strings, her every movement, her every word, her every emotion grabs me and throws me aside, picks me up and holds me, crunches me into a ball and gives me life, freedom and pain. i want to see her smile, laugh, cry, i want her to be happy with me, but i just can't make her happy.
it may just be a small thing this time, but i'm slowly fucking up. i'm bleeding it and myself, draining it all and watching my energy fade. i'm dying. and it isn 't her fault, it is not her effect, it is mine, she cannot argue otherwise.
i feel like i'm just waiting for the end. and the more i believe i am the closer it gets, the more real it becomes, as any being of the aether does.
i feel like i've hurt her and maybe i didn't, but i'm sure that i did. and it tears me apart. i'm dying, crying inside
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